I Laughed So Hard I Cried

New Might Not Be Better

This has been the absolute best, most relaxing weekend in months. I haven't had any work for work to do, and I had about an hour of grad school course work on Saturday morning, and I was done. This weekend I read a book, window-shopped for a new car, and we had friends over for dinner and a movie.

I'm sort of toying with trading my car in. It's a 2002 Honda Odyssey, but only has 65K miles on it. I've been thinking that I'd like something smaller than the minivan. I've spent some time reading up on smaller SUVs, and a few of the mid-size ones, as well as the crossovers. Yesterday we went to do some initial scouting. For us that just means walking the lot, looking at the car, or in the window, and maybe sitting in it if the door was open.

We looked at the Toyota Venza, Rav4, and Highlander. None of them were right. The Venza came close, but the visibility in the back windows just isn't great. We looked at the Nissan Rogue, which I thought I'd really like, but again, the visibility doesn't come close to what I have now. Along with that, even the top of the line model just isn't that nice. The new Honda Pilot is too big (Fran already drives a Pilot), and I thought the CR-V was going to be a top choice. I got to sit in it, and again, didn't like the visibility in the back. I think the problem for me is the bubble look. It looks cute from the outside, but when I sit in it, I don't feel comfortable with the limited view out the back windows. It probably doesn't help that I'm only 5'4", so I sit kind of short. But, I think it's that I'm just used to a bigger window and more open view. Most of the new SUVs seem to have the bubble in the back window, rather than a big rectangular view, so that's going to eliminate a number of choices.

We also looked at Subarus. The Tribeca was one I thought I really liked, but seeing it up close, I didn't like the inside. It looked like the console from a space ship. The Forester seems nice, but I didn't get to sit in it. Next time we go out, that's what I want to see. The Ford Edge is also on our list of things to see.

So the plan was to narrow things down to a few choices, then test drive them in the winter, on a day when the roads aren't so good, to see how they handle in the winter. At this point though, unless something we haven't looked at is pretty spectacular in person, I'm leaning towards just keeping what I have.

Choices

I chose Nonna, Fran hasn't made her choice yet.

Nonna means grandma in Italian.

Yes, we're going to be grandmas! Our daughter is pregnant, due sometime in late July! We're thrilled... and way too young to be grandmas!

Yup, I'm Alive

I used to have a life, then I decided to take 3 grad school classes. To add to the excitement work got insanely busy and I was given huge amounts of responsibility with very time sensitive deadlines on which a great number of people depend. Nothing is negotiable. Most days I feel like I'm at my breaking point, but then I kick myself in the ass and move on, because I just have to do what has to be done. And I *will* get it all done, and it *will* be as damn close to perfect as possible, because that's just how I roll. In the meantime, until mid-December, this blog, online playing, and anything other than a few hours for dinner and a visit with friends on a Sat. night take a backseat. Hell, it's not even the backseat, it's the back of a long trailer being pulled by the car. Sometimes it seems like a distant memory, but I know it will get better. Only two classes next semester and work should return to normal by late January.

As for my wife, she's finally starting to get a little better, thank goodness. Her mom was here until last Wednesday helping out, which was a God-send. Fran went back to work last Thursday, but it was a tough couple of days for her. This weekend she actually went out and to the grocery store with me, her first time since before the first surgery. She also was able to load the dishwasher...a seemingly small thing, but actually huge for her. She's still not able to drive, not sure when that will begin, still a ways out. Radiation is next, also not sure when that will start. More dr. appointments this month to learn more.

It's a Focal Point

Without actually talking about it, Fran and I each entered into her journey with cancer thinking we wouldn't really let this effect us and the way we live our lives more than it has to. We thought, "Hey, it's just a little bump in the road, a bit of boulder scrambling." Um, yeah, not so much. I think we both realized Wednesday night, when we were doing a small group church meeting thing at our house, that it's suddenly the focal point of our lives. It just changes everything about the way you think, the way you plan, the stupid little shitty things you do, like even going for a walk. No, can't go that way, don't have the stamina for the hill, can't go too far, it hurts to walk. It REALLY puts perspective on the people in our lives, realizing who's a friend in the true sense of the word; it's a bit surprising and humbling. And then there's her pain and frustration from issues resulting from the surgery. It breaks my heart to see my wife hurting, physically and mentally. She still has limited range of motion, and can't drive yet. At the same time, I'm so very grateful because it could be SO much worse. She "only" needs radiation, not chemo. Of course she still faces another surgery later next week or the week after because the pathology report came back showing there are still cancer cells present. Damn, she's still in pain from the first surgery. Fran's mom is coming up this time for the surgery, and staying for a bit. I'm glad of that. I feel guilty needing to be at work, and wish I could be home with her again after the surgery.

Have I mentioned that I've turned into a workaholic lately? (My lack of presence here is a good indication.) Not by choice, but by necessity, too much to do in very short deadline time that's non-negotiable. I'm thinking it might let up by Christmas. On a good note, I've been moved to independent study for one of my grad school courses due to all of my experience with the subject matter. The independent study project is part of what has to be done for work, so I get two for the price of one.

Oct 15

Snow in the middle of Oct.? Are you kidding me??? This is our deck right now:

It's been snowing solidly, no longer mixed with rain, for a couple of hours now. Crazy.

The Wife

Fran had her surgery on Friday, it took a little longer than expected, but we were home by 5:00pm. As you'd expect for someone that had surgery, she's in some pain, and has difficulty doing some things for herself. Tonight is better than last night, so little by little she'll be better. Luckily I'm off tomorrow, so I have another day home to take care of her.

Of course when a loved one is sick, one cooks, and I have. We have a quiche and lasagna in the freezer, and chicken soup in the fridge. A few days before surgery Fran made chili, so we have that in the freezer, too. If nothing else, we won't starve.

I'm taking advantage of the quiet time at home to get some more work done for work, of course sometimes that feels like all I do lately.